Tuesday, August 27 - WASHINGTON, D.C.
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The
international security agency SHIELD
(Strategic
Hazard Intervention Espionage Logistics Directorate) unveiled the newest weapon
in the War on Terrorism today, the Office of PreTerror. Created at
the request of US Vice President Dick Cheney, PreTerror is designed to
prevent future terrorist attacks by justifying preemptive military strikes
against any foreign countries that
happen to have oil reserves.
No longer will the President of the United States need to seek congressional approval before declaring a politically-motivated war. No longer will the US government have to humor its allies or its citizens when they request "evidence" that a foreign leader presents a direct threat to America's freedom and security. The Office of PreTerror is the best thing to happen to the Bush Regime since 9/11. |
WHAT IS PRETERROR?
PreTerror is a revolutionary new criticism prevention system that allows the US government to pursue its imperialistic goals with impunity. No violation of human rights is too heinous. No disregard for international law is too blatant. Any atrocity can be justified in the pursuit of a world without terrorism. By simply playing the PreTerror card, fascists can claim that they are halting a terrorist attack before it happens.
| HOW DOES PRETERROR WORK?
At the core of the PreTerror System are three SHIELD-trained mutants with precognitive psionic abilities. Known as the Hounds, these mutants are able to visualize the future and provide SHIELD agents with detailed intelligence on terrorist plots, targets, and other activities. The SHIELD agents pass this information on to the appropriate departments and agencies within the US government, which can then act accordingly by either imprisoning suspects indefinitely without trial or by carpet-bombing a country back to the Stone Age, using nuclear missiles if necessary for those really hard-to-reach areas. All that is really known about the mysterious mutant Hounds is that there are two identical males and one female, and that their names are Rachel, Nathan and Christopher, although in mission briefings and press conferences SHIELD refers to them by their codenames, Phoenix, Cable, and Stryfe. |
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IS PRETERROR SUCCESSFUL?
For Vice President Cheney and Stormtrooper Ashcroft it works like a wet dream, giving them carte blanche to pursue their own agendas under the pretext of protecting Americans from terrorists.
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The Office of PreTerror's first triumph was the arrest of
New York gang banger José Padilla, an American street thug who Ashcroft
claims was planning to build and detonate a non-nuclear "dirty"
radioactive bomb in Washington, DC. Although there is no actual
"evidence" against Padilla, such as the components or
instruction manuals needed to construct such a weapon, according to
PreTerror policy he is considered guilty until proven innocent.
Therefore, Padilla has been "sentenced" to indefinite military detention at the Charleston Naval Weapons Station in South Carolina, without any charges being filed against him, to await prosecution by a military tribunal. Cheney plans to bring Padilla to trial at some point after the War on Terror has ended, which President Evil 2 has indicated to the media will be never. In the meantime, Padilla's much-publicized arrest shifted public attention away from US intelligence agencies' failure to prevent the 9-11 terrorist attacks, and helped sell the Office of Homeland Security to the American people. |
The Office of PreTerror may also provide the US the excuse it needs to go it alone against Saddam Hussein. Despite lack of support at home and abroad, President Evil 2 and his minions continue to insist that a preemptive strike against Iraq is imperative to protect America from some "mortal danger" supposedly foreseen by the Hounds.
“What we must not do,” Cheney told the Veterans of Foreign Wars, “is in the face of a mortal threat is to give in to wishful thinking or willful blindness. We will not simply look away, hope for the best and leave the matter for some future administration to resolve.” Which of course is exactly what Cheney did at the end of the Gulf War in 1991 when he served as the secretary of defense under President Evil 1, leaving Saddam Hussein in power even after Dubya's dad had described him as being worse than Hitler.
| PRETERROR CRITICS
Naturally, not everyone supports SHIELD's Office of PreTerror. Former SHIELD Director Nick Fury in particular has accused the PreTerror program of being cruel and inhuman, on top of being completely bogus. “The mutants enslaved for this sham are the product of SHIELD’s covert Weapon X project, which was designed to exploit mutants for the sake of the US government’s political agenda. I know this because I shut down Weapon X personally before leaving SHIELD. “Rachel, Nathan, and Christopher are clones created from DNA samples
taken from Scott Summers and Jean Grey while the X-Men were illegally
incarcerated at a Weapon X facility. |
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“These clones were originally created and trained to hunt down mutants for government death squads. A covert operation using psionic mutants to sniff out and eliminate mutants among a human population can be successfully completed without drawing attention from the public... unlike the less-than-subtle Sentinel program.
“The only thing these Hounds have ever been taught how to do is help the government exterminate their mutant brethren. They aren't predicting any terrorist activities for Homeland Security. The Office of PreTerror is just one big show for the media that prevents the Bush Regime from being held accountable for eviscerating the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.
“SHIELD keeps the Hounds at a secret base where they are completely cut off from contact with the outside world. How the hell would anyone know what sort of psychic information they're providing? Damn, Americans are gullible.”
